A Testimony of God Working...

Wow...it's amazing much how life can change in just a day, isn't it!?  My life has totally changed as of Saturday night.  We all went to bed, and I decided to read Romans, since our "assignment" for Bible study is to read Romans 1-12.  I am not really a "spiritual" person...that is, I'm not really into spiritual "feelings" and am not one to talk about my spiritual life that much.  But as I was reading through Romans, I felt soooooo convicted, like God was speaking directly to ME through the verses...and He was putting His thumb on me really hard.  Earlier that day, I had watched this video, and all this was going through my mind as I was reading through Romans.

These are a few of the verses that jumped out at me from Romans chapters 1-10.

"Among whom are ye also the called of Jesus Christ.....For I am not ashamed of the gospel of Christ: for it is the power of God unto salvation to every one that believeth....For the invisible things of him from the creation of the world are clearly seen, being understood by the things that are made, even his eternal power and Godhead; so that they are without excuse: Because that, when they knew God, they glorified him not as God, neither were thankful but became vain in their imaginations, and their foolish heart was darkened....Therefore thou art inexcusable, O man, whosoever thou art that judgest: for wherein thou judgest another, thou condemnest thyself; for thou that judgest doest the same thing....As it is written, There is none righteous, no, not one.  There is none that understandeth, there is none that seeketh after God...But now the righteousness of God without the law is manifested....Even the righteousness of God which is by faith of Jesus Christ unto all and upon all them that believe: for there is no difference....therefore, being justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ: By whom also we have access by faith into this grace wherein we stand, and rejoice in hope of the glory of God.  And not only so, but we glory in tribulations also: knowing that tribulation worketh patience; and patience, experience; and experience, hope: and hope maketh not ashamed because the love of God is shed abroad in our hearts by the Holy Ghost which is given unto us.....Know ye not, that to whom ye yield yourselves servants to obey, his servants ye are to whom ye obey; whether of sin unto death, or of obedience unto righteousness?  ...For as many as are led by the Spirit of God, they are the sons of God....And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose...If God be for us, who can be against us?  ...Who shall separate us from the love of Christ?  shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword?  ....Nay, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him that loved us.  For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.  ....For they being ignorant of God's righteousness, and going about to establish their own righteousness, have not submitted themselves unto the righteousness of God."

I got saved when I was 9, but have kind of been going through the motions.  Yes, I was a believer, but not a total follower. The video above pretty much nailed it:  "Close enough to Jesus to get all the benefits, but not so close that it required sacrifice.  You wanted to follow Jesus into heaven, but you didn't necessarily want to take a cross with you."  Wow.  It's not enough to (maybe) sneak in some Bible time and prayer every day and go to church.  It's about letting Jesus have every part of me, and I realized that I hadn't...some parts, yes, but not all.

I also read a chapter in When God Writes Your Life Story by Eric and Leslie Ludy, and it all tied in.

"A truly heroic existence is made possible through the exchange of my life for God's.  When I relinquish the rights to my own body and give them without condition to my heavenly Lord, His Spirit takes up residence within my physical being.  He takes over.  As the apostle Paul said, "It is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me."  Christ becomes King over my life, calling my earthly body His royal palace, His ruling throne.  Without this exchange, the Christian life is merely a game, a self-constructed and miserable counterfeit of something vibrant and real.  The Holy Mount Everest God has called us to climb is truly an impossible feat.  And success  will only come when we recognize that we can't, but that He can.  Only when we learn to yield to the power of Christ in us can we achieve true victory.  We must let go of our existence as we now know it, forgo our own dreams, and get caught up in the dreams of God.  We must exchange our life for His."

I had a lot of stuff I was hanging on to, stuff I had really been struggling with for the last few months. A lot of anger toward someone who hurt me, and I didn't want to let it go, I didn't want to forgive. And it was all blocking things up....I had felt so purposeless.  *I* kept trying to get through it in *my* strength, and it wasn't. working.  I was totally overwhelmed with conviction, but yet an awe of God's love and how good He is to me....why wasn't I giving him my everything?  So I prayed, (and the tissues piled up :)).  I told Him I was sorry for not truly being a follower, that I wanted him to truly have control, I gave up my dreams I was holding on to, and I forgave.  I finally forgave the people who hurt me, and let it all go.  So much relief and peace and joy!  I know I'm going to fail so much, but I also know I can conquer through Him, instead of trying to do it on my own, and that's such a relief.  The scriptures have come alive to me and I can't stop reading!  It's amazing, and I'm so thankful...so, so thankful for Him opening my eyes.  I'm excited to continue on this little journey.... I still have no idea what I'm doing or what the future holds, but I know Who holds the future, and I have peace.  Being a follower isn't easy, since it means dying to self.  But I know now how much it's worth it!  So...that's what God's been doing in my life!  I had no idea this was coming, haha! :)  But I'm excited, and glad to have this little blog to write out my thoughts.  :)  Soli deo gloria!